One of my main passions is working with people experiencing grief, mourning and loss. I know this is a difficult subject matter and very personal. I consider it an honor and sacred for you to share this process with me.
Grieving is different for each person. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and the time frame is individualized. Grief and loss is a cycle with its ups and downs, going back and forth, like a roller coaster. One minute you may be “ok” and the next minute you are not. You may think that you are “going crazy”. Your life is shattered. It is not fair. This “was not supposed to happen”. It may be difficult to make it through a day, an hour, a minute.
Grief and mourning comes out in many ways: physically, emotionally, with your thoughts, your behaviors and spirit. Are you experiencing any of these uncomfortable, yet common reactions to grief?
Physical Reactions
- Headaches
- Upset stomach
- Exhaustion
- Weight loss or gain
- Heart palpitations, trembling, shaking
- Shortness of breath
- Dizziness
- Chest pain, pressure or discomfort
- Feeling like something is stuck in your throat
- Weakness in the muscles
Emotional Reactions
- Depression or sadness
- Anger
- Guilt
- Anxiety, nervousness, agitation, irritability
- Emptiness and heaviness
- Loneliness
- Helplessness
- Shock
- Yearning
- Numbness
- Panic
- Fearfulness
Thought Reactions
- Confusion
- Lack of concentration
- Disorganization
- Obsession with the person who died
- Disbelief
- Searching for meaning
- Thinking of life before the loss
Behavioral Reactions
- Sleep and appetite changes
- Social withdrawal
- Nightmares
- Avoiding reminders of the person who died
- Restlessness
- Dreams of life before the loss
Spiritual Reactions
- Questioning your faith
- Being angry at God, Goddess, Spirit (however you view a higher power, if you do)
- Refusing to attending religious services or pray
- Pleading with God to bring your loved one back
Remember all of the above are normal, yet difficult while going through the grieving process. You will never “get over” the person who died or forget them. However, you may head to days that are more manageable, less painful and start living again. There is nothing shameful about seeking counseling to work through a death. It is often a great relief to be able to discuss these issues with someone who can provide professional support and guidance. I am located in Buffalo/Williamsville, NY. Please feel free to contact me. I do need to mention that if you experienced a miscarriage, the death of an infant or a young child, this is one area that is not my specialty. However, I can lead you to a therapist and resources to assist you. I tell you this to be ethical, truthful and up front with you.
If you are thinking of hurting yourself or others, please reach out to Crisis Services at (716) 834-3131 or call The Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. If you are planning to kill yourself or others, please call 911. Do not keep this to yourself. Also, if you are in recovery and are considering using or picking up that drink, please call your sponsor or a supportive person.
An excellent book that I recommend for anyone dealing with a death:
Rando, T. A. How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies. New York : Lexington Books.